Cracker Caper ...

So I learned something today. I learned that my 1 1/2-year-old daughter Willa is sneaky. Very sneaky. In fact, she is the only one of my children that knows enough to go and hide when she's doing something she's not supposed to.

I saw her carrying a box of crackers earlier this afternoon but paid little attention to it since my wife Kathleen was intercepting her. She said "Willa, you can't have the whole box" or something to that effect.

Suddenly, Willa ran into my office and crawled behind the big chair we have in the corner. What's going on I thought as I looked to find her holding only the bag of crackers.

Happy sweeping,

Bob Gunther
Webmaster, ContestHound.com

We Like to Snooze ...

Probably the most enjoyable part of my day is when I put my 1 1/2-year-old daughter Willa down for her nap. It's nice to take a break and lie down and do nothing for a little while. But the best part is watching Willa get herself prepared.

It's pretty much the same routine every afternoon. Willa starts by searching around for her doll that she's named "Baby". Once found, she tucks it in beside me. Then she's off to find her other doll, also named "Baby". It too finds its way into the bed. Now comes her stuffed dog "Puppy" and her duck "Ducky" and finally she herself climbs in.

After flipping this way and that, Willa finally gets comfortable and asks for "Row Row" and I quietly sing: "Row, Row, Row your boat, gently down the stream ... " She chimes in with a few words here and there and we do this for three, four, sometimes five verses.

And then it's on to Sandra Boynton's Snoozers, the same story I've been reciting for months. Willa shouts with glee at the end, rolls over, throws her dolls and stuffed animals onto the floor then snuggles in beside me and falls asleep.

Happy sweeping,

Bob Gunther
Webmaster, ContestHound.com

Driving Miss Crazy ...

Editor: After about a half dozen false starts on writing a story for this issue, I've finally decided to recycle one from a few years ago. This story was first published on June 18, 2002.

Lately I have been contemplating the wisdom of having car seats for the kids. Safety issues not withstanding, I wonder why they exist in the first place. The process of getting a child into a car seat is certainly a conspiracy to keep parents with young children out of shopping malls, libraries and other public places. Little wonder.

For my 2 1/2-year-old daughter Neva, the journey to the car seat begins in the front of our truck behind the steering wheel -- you know, the place where all the buttons are within arm's reach. After repeatedly lunging after her, I finally manage to wrestle the giggling Gertie into the back of the truck. Cornering her with my shoulder, I use my upper body to contain her as I struggle to harness her into place using both hands to adjust the straps. As I bang my head for a second time, it occurs to me that an engineer designed this chair.

A little ruffled, I climb into the driver's seat, close the door and start the truck. Quickly realizing the radio is on full volume, I turn it down, then turn off the windshield wipers, turn signal, air conditioner and rear window defrost. After replacing the contents of the glove box, I buckle myself in before readjusting all the mirrors.

Okay, ready to go ...

"Daddy, I gotta go pee."

Happy sweeping,

Bob Gunther
Webmaster, ContestHound.com

Sticker Shock ...

My kids have become sticker junkies. Six-year-old Neva gets a sticker for doing her school work. She uses them to make all the time to make art projects. My 3-year-old son Milo gets a sticker everytime he goes to the bathroom. And 1 1/2-year-old Willa has found that glueing them to her arm is wonderfully entertaining.

Did you know they come in a greater variety than almost any other thing on the entire planet? But what are you really supposed to do with them? You get a few hundred in a package, more if you get them in book form. I mean, there's only so many times Milo is going to go to the bathroom.

And then half of them don't stick to what you want them to stick to. Instead they fall off and become permanently adhered to the floor. The kids glue them to the walls, the furniture, even my computer screen! My kids are like little mice sneaking around the house leaving sticker droppings everywhere.

Their appeal is lost on me, but the kids, they like them even if I don't.

Happy sweeping,

Bob Gunther
Webmaster, ContestHound.com

The Mysterious Cocoon ...

Back in the summer, my 6-year-old daughter Neva caught a caterpillar. She found it in our vegetable garden and gave it a new home in a plastic magarine tub. She poked holes in the top and added fresh leaves every now and then.

Not long after the caterpillar spun itself a cocoon. It had attached itself to an old dried up leaf that had curled up into a tube. And every day Neva would check to see if it had turned into a butterfly.

As weeks passed it became clear to everyone but Neva that the magical transformation wasn't going to happen. She wasn't letting the simple passage of time dampen her enthusiasm. She checked almost daily, hoping and waiting.

Last week something mysterious did indeed happen. The cocoon disappeared and a moth took its place. I know that little elves had something to do with it; they told me they had made the switch, a moth in place of the cocoon.

What I imagine is that some day, maybe years from now, Neva will be reading this and say: "Hey, I remember that". And the elves and I will have been found out. Neva will then finally know that neither of the elves, nor me can tell the difference between a butterfly and a moth.

Happy sweeping,

Bob Gunther
Webmaster, ContestHound.com

Weigh In!

I was thinking last night, as our sugar-filled children lay snug in their beds, limbs still jittery and twitching, how it was that special time for Moms and Dads to raid the Halloween treats! (Oh, we all know you do it.) But before you did, did any of you check out just how much was in those bags?

As soon as my kids got home, 6-year-old Neva instructed the two little ones to empty all the bags into one pile. Candy spilled off the table and onto the floor. So we sorted, tallied and re-bagged. And I got to wondering how much it all weighed. I mean, just how much weight will I be putting on when I eat all of this stuff, anyway?

So I dusted off the bathroom scales and here's what I got: 8.5 pounds! And more than half of that is in chocolate bars. Unbelievable! Especially since they only walked a little more than two blocks and visited probably only two-thirds of the houses!

I was interested in hearing from some of my family and friends with power-trick-or-treating older kids. (Ah, those were the days!) While most of them said it was too late to weigh, since much had been eaten last night already, one of my nieces (in a family of four) had 8.6 pounds alone. That's alot of candy! My friend "buys" her kids' candy, giving them a toy instead and sends the sweets to work with her husband. Although, she admits she sends only what she doesn't like.

However, a cousin of mine, who was out with her girls for almost 3 hours, put it quite well. She feels raiding her children's candy is her due for walking miles and miles with them to 'ensure their safety'. I couldn't agree more!

And with that, I'd better go. There are KitKats calling my name.

Happy Hallowe'en everyone!

Kathleen Gunther
Editor, ContestHound.com

A Little of This, a Little of That ...

My 6-year-old daughter Neva has always had quite an interest in cooking. She’s helped in making dinner a few times and has made muffins with Mommy since she was a toddler. But her favourite recipes are the ones she invents herself.

I always make a point of trying each of her concoctions. Most have been bearable and some, like the lemon juice with water and a spritz of lime, were actually quite refreshing.

The other day, Neva was preparing her list of ingredients naming them as she set them out. A bit a sugar, some milk, so far so good. But when she added the lemon juice I had to draw the line. The curdled and lumpy liquid seemed to have taken on a life of its own.

It may have made a good science experiment, we could have kept it and named it George. But alas, the nameless mass would meet its end slithering down the drain.

Happy sweeping,

Bob Gunther
Webmaster, ContestHound.com

Cereal Mystery ...

With three kids in the house there are few things that are predictable. Surprisingly when it comes to breakfast Neva, Milo and Willa, without fail, are eager to have a bowl of Rice Krispies. They love it. I don't.

The other night I was browsing through our bookshelf to find something to read to get my mind off the hectic day that was just winding down. I took my time and finally
decided on a good mystery.

I called to my wife Kathleen, "I'm going to read some Agatha Christie."

From the other room, my 3-year-old son Milo piped up with, "But Daddy, you don't like Rice Krispies!"

Happy sweeping,

Bob Gunther
Webmaster, ContestHound.com

Musical Hoops ...

I took my 3-year-old son Milo to a birthday party a few weeks back. It was held at a gymnastics club and boy did those kids have fun! Sending Milo into the gym was like letting a fox loose in a chicken pen. He ran wildly in circles, stopping briefly at every play station to take a quick look, only to run off in the other direction to find something new. Clearly, listening to the two girls who were trying to run the class was not high on his priority list.

The game was "Musical Hoops". Like Musical Chairs, the kids were to run around while the music played and then stand inside a hula hoop when it stopped. Before the teachers started explaining the rules, the kids were instructed to sit on the purple line painted on the floor. But Milo couldn't contain himself and was constantly being called after to go sit back down. He would sit on the purple line for all of two seconds before he was scampering off again.

So the music started and off they went -- finally something Milo wanted to do! And when the music stopped, all the kids ran to the hula hoops as instructed. All but Milo. He sat on the purple line!

Happy sweeping,

Kathleen Gunther
Editor, ContestHound.com

All's Well That Ends Well

I don't know much about sibling rivalry. My sister and I were 11 years apart so the two of us had little opportunity to spend all that much time together. Which is why watching my 3-year-old son Milo and 19-month-old daughter Willa interact is so fascinating for me.

Each day starts out with Milo waking up before either one of his sisters. He plays quietly even if his bigger sister Neva is awake. But as soon as he hears Willa's voice, he comes running into the bedroom to find her. He greets her the same way every morning, sweetly, gently and as if he is surprised to see her: "Oh, Hi Lilla Billa," he says giving her a big hug. They seem to be the best of friends.

So, what is most remarkable about their relationship? It’s how, at the end of the day, after Milo has pushed her over a dozen times, stolen her toys and repeatedly refused to respond to her even though she’s been calling him for 10 minutes, they make it to bedtime and again give each other a great big hug.

Happy sweeping,

Bob Gunther
Webmaster, ContestHound.com

Oh Poor, Poor Me ...

It's been 2 1/2 weeks since my oldest daughter Neva began Grade One. She was so excited her first day that she forgot to say goodbye to us as she ran into the school. It took me a few days to come to terms with that oversight. By Thursday, Neva had brought home the school year’s first cold and shortly thereafter I took up my position in front of the TV moaning about how miserable I feel.

Thinking that it’s important to take an interest in what my kids are doing, I ask Neva everyday what she did at school. Her answer is always the same: "Nothing." But then the other day, I overheard her on the phone telling my mother all the exciting things she’s learning.

So being the clever rabbit that I am, I proposed to Neva that I go in and speak with her teacher and see why it is that she is not teaching my kid anything. Without hesitation, Neva agreed, leaving me eating my words.

All of which has left me wondering if my suffering at the hands of our educational system was only beginning.

Happy sweeping,

Bob Gunther
Webmaster, ContestHound.com

Recent Studies Have Shown ...

The following study, released today, has scientifically proven that 2 children aged 3 and under, can, pound for pound, destroy more things than 2 fully-grown adults. This study was conducted under strict supervision by a man and woman research team who have spent the better part of 5 years logging their various findings.

In brief here is the study:

Went to the massage therapist …
Our 3-year-old subject Milo and his 18-month-old sister Willa used 14 paper cups to drink one fifth of the water from the water cooler. Another one fifth of the water found its way onto the floor, up the walls and sprinkled across half the furniture.
Children: 1 Adults: 0

Went to get adult researchers bangs trimmed …
The stylist’s shop was newly adorned with numerous glass vases, some towering over Willa’s head. The fish in the huge glass vase situated on top of the glass table, the one with the glass shelf at step stool height, was not necessarily the best place for Willa to go climbing.
Children: 2 Adults: 0

Went to hair salon:
Seems that glass has become the decorating item of the year. Those ball-sized glass bubbles really looked like they could bounce. Within 30 seconds, Willa and Milo proved they don’t.
Children: 3 Adults: 0

Returned home 1 hour after having left:
In a quest to beautify their home, Willa happily picked a few flowers from the garden pots on the deck. Most didn’t have roots.
Children: 4 Adults: KO’d

Happy sweeping,

Bob Gunther
Webmaster, ContestHound.com

I Know This Because ...

Every once in a while I find myself repeating something that has been said to me. I suppose I do it in hopes that if I hear it enough times it will make more sense to me. Maybe it’s my way to reality check; to make sure that things are actually as they seem.

Today was one of those days. Sometime this afternoon my 3-year-old son Milo lost his chewing gum. My wife Kathleen spent the rest of the day looking for it and only after he had gone to bed did she find it. I know this because she told me:

"I found the rest of Milo’s gum. It’s in his belly button."

"I found the rest of Milo’s gum. It’s in his belly button."

"I found the rest of Milo’s gum. It’s in his belly button."

Happy sweeping,

Bob Gunther
Webmaster, ContestHound.com

It's All Going Swimmingly ...

I'm not much one for swimming. I know how, I just don't
enjoy it all that much. And if you've ever seen me with
that garden hose you'd know I'm certainly not afraid of
the water.

My kids, on the other hand, love to swim. We've had them
taking lessons this summer and all three of them have done
very well. Another couple of days and they'll be done for
the summer.

Neva, my soon-to-be six-year-old, was afraid to get her
head and face wet when she started her lessons last spring.
She looked like a cat that's just been thrown in the water
but now, she looks and acts like a dolphin. She spends
more time under water than most fish.

Three-year-old Milo has also come a long way. He's the
youngest in his class and also the shortest, so the water
level in the pool comes to just under his shoulders. He
spent his first day of lessons climbing out of the pool
because he was so nervous about how deep the water was.
But now, he couldn't care less. He jumps right in and when
his lesson ends, he slowly ambles out of the pool.

And Willa too has been doing great. She goes with Mommy
and a bunch of other parents and their toddlers. She's at
the top of her class when it comes to blowing bubbles and
loves to be dunked under water.

It's fascinating to watch them and see how their confidence
grows. As I watch them with a great sense of pride, I'm
reminded that standing back a little and just letting our
kids do their own thing is sometimes the most rewarding
type of parenting.

Happy sweeping,

Bob Gunther
Webmaster, ContestHound.com

Green Thumb? Green Somethin' ...

I have grown a wide assortment of vegetables in our backyard garden for years. And it seems that every summer one of my kids is obsessed with one form of produce or another.

One year, my oldest daughter Neva befriended a potato. It was her new best friend, except she kept losing it and getting a new one which too would end up lost somewhere in the house.

A few summers later, my son Milo's interest in the garden had more to do with digging than with veggies. He had a small front-end loader that he played with, usually between the broccoli plants.

And this year 18-month-old Willa is my newest helper. She especially loves to hide behind the plants and pick green tomatoes. No matter how often I show her the red ones, once I'm out of sight, she goes back to picking 'em green. I love her enthusiasm, she always shouts with glee when she gets one off the vine. I just hope she is as excited about green tomato cake.

Here's the Green Tomato Cake Recipe

Bob Gunther
Webmaster, ContestHound.com

This Way and That, Up, Down and All Around ...

It's odd the things that we take for granted, like seeing one's elbow for instance. It takes practice to get your arm and head coordinated, it's not all that easy. But when was the last time you thought about the first time you saw yours?

I caught my three-year-old son Milo looking for his the other day. He had scraped it on the sidewalk earlier in the day and now wanted to see the damage. He was bending his arm this way and that, tilting his head up, down and all around. He just couldn't get it sorted out, but he kept trying.

Afraid that he might get all tied up in a knot, I offered to help. I first had to try it myself, which took a moment before I could figure it out, I mean, how often do we look at our elbows.

When he finally saw his, I could tell how proud he was. He was intently investigating it with a look of satisfaction on his face. And me, well, I tried it again, this time with my other arm.

Bob Gunther
Webmaster, ContestHound.com

I All Done ...

We were visiting neighbours for a BBQ recently. All the
kids were playing and too busy to come for supper. When
3-year-old Milo finally came to the table, he happily took
a hot dog and sat down to eat. After only a few bites, he
spied the chocolate chip cookies for dessert, which most
grown ups, not having been too busy playing to eat, were
already enjoying.

"I all done," he announced as he got up to help himself to
a cookie.

"How about we put that on your plate to eat once you've
finished your hot dog?" I suggested.

"Not I want it," he reasoned. "It too big. I too little!"

Kathleen Gunther
Editor, ContestHound.com

Silent Movie ...

The other night after dinner, as every evening, we all went
outside to enjoy the warm weather. And, as usual, it was
busy and loud, even if it was just my three kids. So, much
to my husband Bob's chagrin, I left the kids with him and
retreated to the quiet of the kitchen to finish cleaning
up the dishes.

From the kitchen window, I watched as Bob and the kids dug
in the vegetable garden. They'd found a pile of big rocks
and were digging deep to get them all out. Each kid had a
shovel, Bob was using his hands and all of them were filthy.
And they were having a great time.

And I stood there, staring and marvelling at my family.
There was Neva -- independent and confident -- who would
occasionally leave to ride her bike around the house. Milo,
still in his bike helmet, was happily flinging dirt
everywhere, his skinny little arms working hard. And Willa,
the baby, how she's growing! She was shaking her shovel,
eating dirt and sliding into the hole. What a beautiful
scene to behold.

And it was then that I realized, as I watched this silent
movie play through the window, how much more you appreciate
your family when you can't hear them!

Happy sweeping,

Kathleen Gunther
Editor, ContestHound.com

Give Me a P ...

I wonder if there's such a thing as a phobia about causing some sort of phobia in someone else. Would it be a aphobiameaphobia?* Anyway, I've been wondering these past few days about my 3-year-old son Milo whose just begun potty training.

Most of the time Milo has a whole entourage with him when he goes to the bathroom. There’s Neva, his 5 1/2-year-old big sister, full of encouragement, cheering him on as he sits on the big people's toilet. His little sister, 17-month-old Willa, sits beside him on the potty, chanting "Peee, Peee, Peee ... " and Mommy is in there too giving him instructions to point it down. It's quite the circus but somehow Milo gets the job done.

What worries me is that when he goes to the bathroom by himself without his cheerleading crew, he pees on the floor. We’ll find him running around with nothing on and there's a puddle in front of the bathtub. Seems like he doesn't want to go it alone. I'm afraid that he'll never be able to go without 137 people coaxing him on.

So, if you see a little blond fella walking around alone and looking like he might burst, please take him to the bathroom. And bring your friends, lots of 'em.

* In fact there are such things:
Phobophobia - a fear of phobias
Phobophobiaphobia - fear of fear of phobias.

Happy sweeping,

Bob Gunther
Webmaster, ContestHound.com

I Quit ...

Hello Everyone.

Whatever happened to our newsletter you might be wondering, after all it's been three months. Well, let's see:

I gained 15 very unwelcomed pounds;
I perfected separate growls for each of my three kids;
I learned snarling at my wife is bad;
I realized chewing gum all day hurts;
I switched to caffeine free cola;
And
I replaced my 25-year pack a day smoking addiction 92 days ago!

It's been hell. Absolute hell. I've been sick for the past 3 months with non-stop colds, sinus infections, ear aches and now I'm getting over a mild case of the chicken pox.

But I haven't smoked. I haven't gotten off the couch either nor have I had the energy to go outside, but I am a non-smoker.

You may have noticed the new format of the newsletter. I've added a couple of ways for you all to spend your money. Please shop at our sponsors, it helps to pay for this newsletter and the therapy for my kids after witnessing me becoming a non-smoker.

Happy sweeping,

Bob Gunther
Webmaster, ContestHound.com

Elbow Grease ...

Hello Everyone.

Our neighbor gave my daughter a Tupperware-like box in which to take her snacks to school. She thought Neva, being 5 1/2 years old, would like the compartments in it. I think she gave it to her because she had little use for a plastic container whose lid didn't fit properly.

In any event, for whatever reason, Neva thinks it's the greatest thing and always wants to bring her snack to school in it. The other morning she was packing up her muffin and strawberries and I heard loud banging from the kitchen.

"Be sure that lid goes on tight," I cautioned. "You don't want strawberry juice dripping into your backpack."

"It's on!" she said proudly. "You just have to bang it a few times with your elbow."
Happy sweeping,

Kathleen Gunther
Editor, ContestHound.com

Bath Time ...

Hello Everyone.

It's funny what kids learn to do when they are still toddlers. When it comes to bath time, we have taught all three of our kids to throw their diapers in the bathroom garbage before they get into the tub. A good idea I might add, as diapers that end up in the tub weigh enough to hold an elephant down during a tornado.

So, the other day I was getting our youngest daughter, 14-month-old Willa ready for her bath. She loves the water and is always excited to get in there to splash and play but at that moment she was getting frantic trying to take her own clothes off. So I her undid the buttons for her to make it easier.

With the crises averted Willa easily pulled her feet out of her pants which she then promptly threw in the garbage. Off came her shirt and it too went into the garbage and then her undershirt and finally her diaper.
Happy sweeping,

Bob Gunther
Webmaster, ContestHound.com

New Identity ...

Hello Everyone.

I picked up my oldest daughter Neva from kindergarten the other day when I realized that I am no longer Bob. I am still me but it appears that I am not Bob.

Originally I was named Robert but in grade 2, I decided to go by Bob. And that short form stayed with me until, on a sunny afternoon last week, my old identity had run its course.

So here I am re-introducing myself as the man formerly known as Bob. You can call me Neva's Dad, everyone else does.
Happy sweeping,

Bob Gunther
Webmaster, ContestHound.com

Ode to Spring ...

Hello Everyone.

Spring has sprung here in southwestern Ontario and yesterday evening we were outside playing with the kids. In a matter of minutes, the collection of children grew from our 3 to as many as 10 as some of the neighborhood kids joined us in our side yard. It was definitely noisy, but everyone, parents included, was grateful to be outside enjoying the milder weather.

In the midst of the melee, our new neighbor, who lives in the apartment upstairs, called down to me with a smile:

"Where did all the kids come from? Most neighborhoods just have groundhogs that come out to let you know it's spring!".

Happy sweeping,

Kathleen Gunther
Editor, ContestHound.com

The Apprentice ...

Hello Everyone.

When I am doing project around the house I have always let my kids lend a helping hand. My 5 1/2-year-old daughter Neva especially likes to help whenever I have my tool box out.

I was painting the trim around a closet the other day and sure enough there was Neva, dressed in some old clothes eager to get her hands on a paintbrush. So, together we painted, Neva doing the bottom third, and me doing the rest.

We traded the brushes for small rollers and back again and for the next hour, Neva and I worked together painting the trim, and some of the wall, and quite a large part of the floor but mostly each other.

Happy sweeping,

Bob Gunther
Webmaster, ContestHound.com

Backing Up is Hard to Do ...

Hello Everyone.

It's funny the things children pick up on that we take little notice of in our adult world. Take, for instance, my 2 1/2-year-old son, Milo. We visited the local drop-in center the other day and he instantly ran off to play. Knowing he was safe and happy, I joined up with a friend to chat.

When I took a look for him a little while later, I saw him driving himself around in one of those big toy cars. He stopped, looked over his shoulder and backed up, going "Beeeeep! Beeeeep! Beeeeep!"

Happy sweeping,

Kathleen Gunther
Editor, ContestHound.com

Rabble Babble ...

Hello Everyone.

When my now 5 1/2-year-old daughter Neva was beginning to talk we gave her lots and lots of encouragement. Which probably explains why she hasn't stopped talking ever since. Regardless, we are now at the same stage with our youngest, one year old Willa.

Seems to me that we may not be as supportive in Willa's speech development though. She tends to make a multitude of bizarre sounds that Neva never did. Ask Willa what a dog says and she answers sounding more like a car trying to start on the coldest day of winter.

She makes this really odd throat clearing sound when she wants something and hisses like a snake for no apparent reason. And when she is tired there is that ear-splitting shriek that makes you go instantly cross-eyed.

It's amusing to listen to her babble, full of grunts and croaks and other strange noises. If you stand a busy intersection during rush hour, you'll get a good feel for it.

Happy sweeping,

Bob Gunther
Webmaster, ContestHound.com

Forget-Me-Not ...

Hello Everyone.

My 5 1/2-year-old daughter Neva was begging me to have a little friend of hers over for a playdate. She hadn't seen her in several months and she desperately wanted to have her come visit. For weeks all we heard was, "Can Sydney come for a playdate?" and then "How many more days until Sydney comes?" Sydney this, Sydney that. Sydney! Sydney! Sydney!

Finally, the day arrived and Sydney came to play. The girls immediately ran off to catch up. In the middle of their play, I overheard Neva saying, "Come here! Come here! Hey! ... What's your name again?"
Happy sweeping,

Kathleen Gunther
Editor, ContestHound.com

For Grampa (March 30, 1923 - March 8, 2004)

Hello Everyone.

It's no surprise that after being stuck in the house all day with three boisterous kids who couldn't go outside because it's too cold, that I remark to my wife Kathleen, "We should have bought a puppy".

Now I have given this some thought lately and I realized a few things. A puppy, when it gets a chance, will try to run away. So too, do my kids. And a puppy will stare at you blankly when you are talking to it. Just like my kids. The puppy will tear up the only important piece of paper I have on my desk, walk around chewing on my shoes and without a doubt, pee on the floor. Ditto for my kids.

So really, what's the difference between having kids or a puppy? Well, we wouldn't have gotten three puppies that's for sure and one other thing, Grampa would rather have had the kids sitting on his lap.
Happy sweeping,

Bob Gunther
Webmaster, ContestHound.com

You're Kidding, Right?

Hello Everyone.

I've always thought that I have a rather well developed sense of humor. Even after years of my wife Kathleen tilting her head sideways and staring at me with an "are you feeling okay?" look on her face, I still thought I was funny and clever. And then along came my joke-telling 5 1/2 year-old daughter Neva.

A few days ago she started to make up her own jokes and since then, she's been following us around all day trying them out on us. They're all loosely based the old standard "Why did the chicken cross the road?". For example:

"Why was the window broken?
Because he hit him in his bum and crashed through the mirror - Get it?! He hit his bum!"

As you can see her jokes really don't make any sense. It's how totally absurd the punch lines are that makes us chuckle. Meanwhile, Neva howls with laughter and promptly makes up another one.

Now I really believed I was a witty sort of fella until I realized something. I too was tilting my head sideways in utter confusion each time Neva told a joke.

Happy sweeping,

Bob Gunther
Webmaster, ContestHound.com

Princess Pay, A King's Ransom ...

Hello Everyone.

My 5-1/2 year old daughter Neva has come to the conclusion that it's time for her to get an allowance. She started learning the value of money long ago when she played with Mommy's credit card as a baby. Even at that time I knew we were headed for trouble. She never wanted to give the credit card back.

Nearly a week has passed since Neva mentioned it for the first time. Since then she has decided that trading her time and effort for money is not just a noble deed but one worth about 5 bucks. Just to be clear here, she doesn’t mean $5 per week. No, little Miss Corporate Mogul here thinks we should pay her $5 for each chore she does.

So, it comes as no surprise that Neva is suddenly much more helpful around the house. I guess she’s trying to prove that she is worthy of such a lofty pay scale.

Happy sweeping,

Bob Gunther
Webmaster, ContestHound.com

Father Nose Best ...

Hello Everyone.

Editor's Note: Sorry about the absence of the newsletter over the past two weeks, all 5 of us had our February cold. This is not to be confused with the January cold and the March cold which are different.

Each time one of my kids has a birthday it shakes me up a bit. Our youngest daughter Willa just turned one the other week. An entire year flew by and I can't account for the time between Willa's birth and her birthday. What have I been doing for the past 12 months?

During that time Willa's achievements have been numerous. She learned to crawl, walk and climb, spoke her first words, began playing with toys to name a few. I'm still doing precisely the same thing I was doing a year ago. Nothing's changed for me.

Eventually I realize that the sameness is maybe not such a bad thing. My life is predictable and with that there is a certain comfort. Unlike Willa, I at least won't be surprised to find out that when I have a cold, I shouldn’t lick my nose.

Happy sweeping,

Bob Gunther
Webmaster, ContestHound.com

Going Bananas ...

Hello Everyone.

Back in December, my husband Bob asked if I wanted a banana tree for Christmas. Not the organic, fruit-bearing kind, but the wooden, fruit-hanging version that stands on your countertop. Although our kids are voracious banana eaters, I simply couldn't justify spending the money on a gizmo when a fruit bowl works just fine.

I relented this week, however, when the banana tree was in the clearance bin at the grocery store. I brought it home, put it together and happily hung a nice bunch of bananas on it.

Later that day I walk into the kitchen, only to find our banana tree empty and five loose bananas at its base, as if it had shed its leaves.

"What happened here?" I asked 5-year-old Neva, who was eating the evidence.

"I wanted the one with the sticker on it."

Banana tree for sale!

Happy sweeping,

Kathleen Gunther
Editor, ContestHound.com

Bouillon Brigade ...

Hello Everyone.

A child's imagination never ceases to amaze and amuse me. From my toddler's use of an escargot plate for a steering wheel to my 5-year-old's "imaginary friend", Ian, the vinegar bottle. And a kitchen is a veritable make-believe wonderland for kids.

The other day, all 3 of my children showed me the many different "uses" of chicken bouillon. And none of them had anything to do with eating -- not surprising for my kids, really, but that's another story altogether.

It started when Willa, now 11 months old and into everything, discovered a box of bouillon packets in the cupboard. She shook, squished, twisted and threw those little envelopes like nobody's business. Then 2 1/2-year-old Milo picked up all those that were still flat and dealt them out to all of us. "Cards!" he happily declared. Finally, Neva (the bottle collector) came around collecting our "tickets" to the next show.

So the next time you're in the grocery aisle and you see the chicken bouillon, think of my clever kids. And then pick some up for me, because I have no idea where mine is now!

Happy sweeping,

Bob Gunther
Webmaster, ContestHound.com

Take Da Poll ...

Hello Everyone.

There is quite the controversy brewing in our household. It has pitted my wife Kathleen squarely against me. She stands firm in her opinion even though I know she is wrong. So I turn to you, our loyal readers, to offer your insights so that we may settle this dispute once and for all.

Baby Willa is 11 months old and she's been chattering away making all sorts of sounds for months now. Recently, I started asking her: "If you're Willa, who am I?" and she'd answer with "Da-Da". "Who's that?" I'd ask pointing at Kathleen, and Willa would respond with "sssth", which means fish as far as I’m concerned.

I understand that Kathleen isn't a fish. That's not the problem. My wife however denies that Willa's first word is "Da-Da". Kathleen tries, in vain I might add, to prove that Willa answers "Da-Da" to anything asked of her. "If you're a pickle, what's the time?" she asks. Willa answers "Duh-Duh," which clearly is not the same as "Da-Da". Try it, it's different. Da-Da, Duh-Duh. See?

Since all of you are sitting there talking in baby speak to your computer, please help us settle this once and for all. Is Willa's first word "Da-Da"? You know it is. Click the link below to register your vote:

Click Here to Vote

Happy sweeping,

Bob Gunther
Webmaster, ContestHound.com

Happy New Year ...

Hello Everyone.

I have heard that some people believe looking back on the year just passed is bad luck for the coming new year. For me, looking back has never created enough anxiety. While many people are making New Year's Resolutions, I have my New Year's Reservations.

So what does 2005 have in store for the ContestHound.com household? I suspect that we'll have the regular drama and chaos that most parents have. Our oldest daughter Neva will turn 6 and start grade 1 in the fall and Willa, our youngest daughter, will be a year old in February. Squashed in the middle is Milo, who often finds himself squashed between things, will turn 3 in late spring.

For my wife Kathleen, hopefully she'll finally be able to sleep through the night, something she hasn't done in almost six years. And maybe not take the laundry too seriously. And for me, I'll probably be doing what I do best: obsessing about worrying too much.

Here's wishing all of you a Happy New Year filled with promise and hope and the strength and courage to face whatever challenges may come.

Happy sweeping,

Bob Gunther
Webmaster, ContestHound.com

So You Say ...

Hello Everyone.

My 2 1/2-year-old son Milo loves to talk with loads of enthusiasm. He's really polite too. Hand him a pair of socks and he's sure to say "Oh thank you Daddy!". Here are some other Milo-isms:

chicken shake --> kitchen sink
do it, self! --> do it by myself!
Bava hab it dis --> Neva has this
eat it dis? --> eat this?
my puthle gether --> put my puzzle together
sgoob-gobber --> screwdriver
bluedy werger (or "varger") --> blueberry yogurt
home peepo --> Home Depot
sheh-shie --> french fries
Toma Chank-En --> Thomas the Tank Engine
kepich --> ketchup
peter putter --> peanut butter

Happy sweeping,

Bob Gunther
Webmaster, ContestHound.com